De-Escalate
Yesterday I had the opportunity to utilize and model some of the critical skills I have learned and practiced as I created the M.I.N.D. Blueprint. Evolving from the human being who, at times, could be quite defensive when confronted, to the place where I could disarm and de-escalate a potential firestorm with a co-worker ready to burn me at the stake.
In the work I do as a project manager, there are times when I am required by the constraints of a schedule to prompt others who are not responsible to me to complete a task. In this particular case, the failure of these folks to complete this task would have seriously put the project completion at risk. They were not being belligerent….rather, they were misguided into thinking that more of their work needed to be complete before they could sign off on approval of one particular component. When they were assured, they ultimately met the deadline.
The next day their boss approached and asked why I was hurrying their folks. I could sense by the tone of his opening text message he would be coming in hot. Again, in the past, my personality would have led me to push back at his aggressive stance. Instead, having taken a look at what would probably be his view of the situation I took another approach, which was to simply ask him what he thought he knew about what had occurred. He responded, as I expected, with a story that was somewhat factual and skewed to make it seem as if I was being unreasonable. Now I had a picture of his “Map of the World” and could clearly understand his tone and reaction. He was also prepared to listen, since I had heard him out in advance and not exhibited defensiveness. What followed was a very professional conversation which ended in a common mission to prevent this kind of misunderstanding in the future.
I share this story because in his best-selling book “Everyone Communicates but Few Connect”, John Maxwell describes a very similar scenario ending in a very different way. It truly serves us all better to understand that everyone has their own way of seeing, hearing, feeling and thinking about things according to many factors in their lives, not least of which is the sense through which their brain does it’s primary processing.
If you’d like to know more about this story and, more important, how the lessons learned can transform your effectiveness in communications, reach out and schedule a 30 minute “Meet and Greet” using the “Calendar an Appointment” button on my smart digital card at https://martycard.me
